Wow! I really can’t think of any words, illustrations, or phrases that describe being a parent. If I could chose to be really exceptional at anything in my life it would be at motherhood. Trying to be a size 0 is a forgotten goal, being a star teacher really takes back seat, and the desire for people to like me is really low on the list – my top priority is raising a son to be a healthy well rounded citizen that has kingdom goals. Lately (especially since Anden is coming upon the terrible twos… I mean terrific twos) I have pondered quite intensely on this huge responsibility of parenthood. David and I will be the most influential people in his life. As he grows into an adult, he will posses more of our character traits, habits, and views than any other person or factor in his life. As you can tell I started freaking out – can I do this?
Maybe I should back up a little and explain myself….. or the black eye that I have underneath my left brown eye. Well, I used to be one of those people that said, “Oh, my child will never throw a fit in public.” Another idealistic thought was my child will be well behaved 99.9999% of the time because I will keep him on a balanced schedule, consistently use positive reinforcement, stay calm and never raise my voice, spend quality time with him, and feed him organically grown nutritious meals. Yes, I have returned back to Earth! Ok, so mommyhood isn’t exactly what I anticipated or read in my childhood development textbooks. I have come to the deep revelation that I bore a human being not a robot!
Alright, I will explain the shiner (no, David was not involved). Anden was upset because he was very happy playing with the Thomas the Train Toys at Marshalls and it was time to go. After giving him the 2 minute warning in my sweet little voice, then trying to redirect him, and finally picking him up to remove him from the train toys, he went to swat at me. Well, I have cat like reflexes and grabbed both of his hands. As I started to say in my firm but soft voice that hands are not for hitting – HE HEAD BUTTED ME. Completely caught me off guard, how did my precious child even know how to head butt!
Don’t worry, there is only a pale green purple tint left underneath my eye and my son hasn’t had any more head butting episodes. Overall, Anden is a remarkably well behaved child but he does have his scary moments. Those scary moments really started causing anxiety for me. Out of my cry for help to God almighty, who formed this little guy, He helped me gain some perspective.
So here it goes… .Winter months bring cleansing for new beginnings. The leaves fall off trees, the grass turns dry and crinkly, and the cold temperatures set in. That’s what happened to me. I had to let all my expectations and parenting theories just die! I spent a lot of time in reflections, THE WORD, parenting books and I am currently taking a parenting class at my church. It’s amazing about when you think it’s all about something else it’s really all about you! It really wasn’t about finding the perfect discipline technique for Anden, getting control of his behavior – It’s all about loving him unconditionally and letting him make mistakes. It’s not about control…It’s about freedom…about our relationship. It’s about me being the best April Coats that I can be for Anden to see God’s heart. Just like spring is creeping in on winter, it is a new season. Fresh behaviors will bloom within Anden and I will (with God’s help) learn how to prune, nourish, and fertilize. God has promised that he will turn out to be a beautiful flower as long as I train him in love. I am confident and excited to go on this journey with my son who is going to scream in the mall, that will probably forget his homework a time or two, that might date the wrong girl. I will love him forever no matter what he does (or how many times he head butts me).
